i have no mouth and i must scream am monologue

Sometimes the experience is so intense I have a “white out”… Just bright white light in my head.

The internal urgency– which may be anxiety mixed with frustration mixed with forceful compulsion mixed with severe embarrassment– may heighten from here rapidly.

As if my jaw, lips, tongue, and throat are flailing around, something like when I lose my balance and my arms flail in all directions as I fall– emergency, wild, panicked attempts to return to “balance.”

This alone, simply struggling to find a word, may ratchet up my anxiety or frustration enough that I begin to stammer or stutter.

Or, more severely, can’t even come to mind. I know what I want to say in that I have the feeling of knowingness… but words, phrases won’t come out. Like a tip-of-the-tongue experience on steroids.

It may begin by having trouble finding words.

But I thought my confusion would be amusing, so here’s the best I could find– just in case. It happens in stages– although not smoothly, but mixed, overlapping… insert video of dam bursting in slo-mo here…Įditor’s note: I wasn’t sure if Johnny meant this literally or not. So, I’ve been dealing with this a really LONG time.… What’s MY selective mutism like? It happens frequently for me when I’m stressed, usually socially overwhelmed, but it can also happen when tired or even joyfully excited. To survive straight, neurotypical culture, I rely on my learned, studied ability to say the right thing at the right time. Despite my other autistic weaknesses, I’m known for my wiseguy humor, intelligence, compassion… and sudden meltdowns. I’m in my 60s, and generally, pretty damn articulate. I don’t know how others experience mutism… and can’t even imagine what non-speakers go through.Īnd as is my autistic habit, this may be way too detailed…

Selective mutism isn’t just embarrassing… Have I mentioned I’m now alone in a room filled with sharps… AND suicidal? Why my mind… Which has been my only reliable strength in my life… is failing. He taps a quick note into the laptop, “alcohol inebriation,” then they rush out.

Then to the other guy, “Listen, let’s go do the gunshot. But can’t get words out… Scared out of my mind. Strapped to a gurney, unable to move my arms, I have NO IDEA what’s going on inside me. A LOUD crash - one cart into another, unidentified metal things clattering on the floor… Another patient moaning down the hallway. Images, feelings, physical impulses, sense input… The best I can squeeze out is yet another groan…. My tongue’s a stranger in someone else’s mouth. Like they’re talking to a Japanese tourist, and if they just shout loud enough… he’ll understand English… “Are you okay? Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY?” It looks like he’s trying to say something.” Choosing a Good– or Bad– Therapist for Your Autistic Child.Directory of NeuroDivergent Graphic Designers & Illustrators.Directory of Specialists Diagnosing Autism (ASD) in Adults.Directory of NonSpeaker Pages, Blogs, & Media.AAC: Augmentative & Alternative Communication.

I have no mouth and i must scream am monologue